The darker the night the brighter the morning, and we have seen some seriously dark nights this year. Of course there will be more, but for now, I am feeling pretty hopeful that we’ve past the trough and things are heading up.
My dad was an amazing guy. People adored him, he was jolly and hopeful, but he also suffered debilitating migraines and depression. One of his favorite roles was as Jacob Webster in William Saroyan’s The Beautiful People. I loved the play as much as him, (“Polestar to pyramid my boy!” ) but it has always been a paradox for me, as despite the themes of love and humanity, the character’s central strategy is to, as Ruth Gordon advised, “Never face facts!” which just goes against every instinct in my Aspie soul.
I very vividly recall one morning, my dad, driving me school when I was in the fifth grade, trying to reassure me because I was freaking out after I had failed to complete a project. I was probably trying to guilt trip him for not having helped me, and his advice was, “Everything always works out for the best.” I argued then, as I mostly still belive, “BS, sometimes things go completely wrong.” However, my teacher was absent, there was a substitute, and I got a reprieve. When I let him know, he said “See, what did I tell you?” It’s been an another paradox for me ever since.
My dad used to tell a joke that seemed pretty profound to me at 8 years old. I’ve heard a few iterations, but this is what I remember of his version.
A man has twin sons, who are are told that they’re going to get a special surprise for their birthday. One boy finds a room full of toys, the other one full of manure. The boy with the all toys starts crying, his dad asks what’s wrong and the boy says with so many toys, he’s sure to break one. He hears the other boy laughing and playing, and when he gets there, the dad sees him digging eagerly, and asks his son why he’s so happy. He replies, “With all this horseshit there has to be a pony in here somewhere.” The joke is usually told to be about an optimist and a pessimist, tho I don’t remember those psych terms from my dad’s version. I took as advice on what sort of son I should be.
I suspect I may be dispositionally pessimistic, as I am always on the lookout for what might go wrong, and my dad may have seen that, maybe recognized it in himself, and wanted to help me be a more optimistic person. He succeeded. So even if I’m pained by the paradox of denial, always face facts, and know things can go very wrong despite the best laid plans, I also know that for us to exist at all, Life on Earth has always had to make more progress than regress, and that, most importantly, hope will always have a better chance than fear.
HAPPY HOLLY DAYS!!
HOLLY DAYS 