When the world feels plentiful, we are much more likely to also feel generous. When scarcity rules, we contract and hoard. I wonder how the depravations of the pandemic have fit into this. For many of us, out of work, this has undoubtedly been a period of terrifying economic scarcity. For others, such as those in my home, the ability to work successfully from home and maintain their income has meant that not much has changed financially, maybe even improved a bit as eating out, going to the movies, and other playtime expenses have been drastically cut. But for everyone, even in the big tech companies and small online sellers on Etsy and Ebay who have found the pandemic to be a financial boon, there has been a scarcity of human contact and social support.
I was not very generous with my Holly Days gifts this year this year. I was unable to go out and browse shops and stores to be inspired, and somehow found online shopping and gift card purchases sad and confounding. I did make a pretty good effort at Rey’s Advent calendar, but offer my apologies to everyone else with whom I failed to be generous, especially my delightful nieces. For us grown ups, the traditions are already finished baking, and this sort of selfish transgression is just blip in the timeline, while for a child, it may add a recurring sour note in what should be an assembly of joyous archetypes. Oh well.
I’ve also been equally stingy with my social sharing this year. My ASD has resulted in my never having been very socially adept. I recoil from casual hugging with almost everyone, and am always pretty uncomfortable visiting even close friends. I hate being on zoom or having facetime calls, I’m not even that fond of voice phone calls. I find the demands of managing appropriate social responses very stressful in real time, generally feeling like I have made a fool of myself and pissed everyone off, which is too often true.
I much prefer this sort of asynchronous communication where I can review and edit my responses. I have even been struggling more with this tradition that I have developed of creating an annual principal post for each Holly Day, something that I have been, amazingly, doing consistently for almost a decade. I’m trying to let myself off the hook for my Grinchiness this year, but have committed to completing this bit of sharing, however belatedly. These have been strange days. So be generous with yourself, even if that’s the most, as it has been for me, you can manage this year.
HOLLY DAYS 