ATONEMENT
We primates seem to have an innate sense of fairness, probably processed by one of our myriad cognitive subroutines. This has lead us to develop expectations and traditions of apology and restitution, probably because these are key to putting conflict behind us and restoring our fairness registers.
None of us is perfect, no conflict is ever wholly one person’s sole responsibility. Whatever an adversarial legal process might rule, however black and white our feeble judgment might want to facilely assign guilt, the truth is everything happens as a result of a complex interaction of a myriad of antecedents, most of which are beyond our control, but usually with some subset that we can. No matter what high ground we might be able to mount, we always still have some small measure of responsibility for how our lives unfold. Accepting that, and trying to atone for our part, seems to me the clearest path to healing.
FORGIVENESS
Perhaps forgiving ourselves has to come first. Maybe before we can atone, we have to placate our ego by letting it off the hook. But surely having someone we feel has wronged us atone: accepting responsibility and taking concrete action to try and right the wrong, will be satisfying and healing for us. But if we hold on to our blame, and try to continue to extract retribution, without forgiveness, we will inevitably end up feeding our own anger, and suffering ourselves.
It may be too much to ask much of the time. Our emotions are powerful drugs not always susceptible to reason or wisdom. Our fear and anger may resist and continue to rule us, but at least we should ask them to step aside, and help each other move past.
I get that when bad acts go unpunished and transgressors are allowed to benefit from them, we have real moral danger. But we each crave and deserve to be redeemed and the golden rule suggests that we owe to others what we wish for ourselves. It’s no longer how it was when our cognitions and cultures evolved all these systems. We can no longer just bash in the heads of our enemies then commit genocide against their families and clans that would have replied with their own retribution, we can no longer take the high road to move to another valley never to see them again. We now share a crowded and diverse world, which itself needs and deserves redemption.
REDEMPTION
I firmly believe these final trinities are a recursive cycle we need to abide and repeat to heal the world and continue to survive in it. In a spirit of love, we must seek the truth, have the courage to stand down any obstacles to grace, especially in ourselves, and find a path to redemption by atoning for our roles in undermining that grace and by forgiving others for theirs. Little voices in us may scream “fuck that shit!” but please, try to shush and comfort them. Look for the big picture and remember that we are all in this together.
HAPPY 2021 & HAPPY HOLLY DAYS
HOLLY DAYS 